Should've stayed home today


Eiffel Tower. Paris, France

Colosseum. Rome, Italy

Arc de Triomphe. Paris, France (2016)

Arc de Triomphe. Paris, France (2018)

World Trade Center. New York, New York

Zilker Park. Austin, Texas

Chelsea. New York, New York

Gullfoss. Southwest Iceland

地獄谷野猿公苑 (Jigokudani Yaen Kōen). Yamanouchi, Japan

中禅寺湖 (Lake Chūzenji). Nikkō, Japan

函館山 (Mt. Hakodate). Hakodate, Hokkaido, Japan

伏見稲荷大社 (Fushimi Inari-taisha). Kyoto, Japan

Bamboo Forest. Arashiyama, Kyoto, Japan

高徳院 (Kōtoku-in). Kamakura, Japan

河口湖 (Kawaguchi-ko). Yamanashi, Japan

For some stupid reason, these days I find myself traveling the world. I go here, and I do that, and at the end of the day I realize it'd be easier if I just stayed home and scrolled through Pinterest for pictures of all the pretty sights in the world.

These days, people travel just to cram into subways, rush to the hottest tourist spots, whip out their selfie sticks and do nothing but take pictures for Instagram. That seems like a lot of effort that I just wouldn't need to do anymore if I just stayed inside. So why don't I do that?

When you go outside, people speak weird languages that aren't English and get in my way when I'm trying to take selfies. Other tourists ask me funny questions and the stores have weird flavors of Doritos. I just don't get it.

Mark Twain said this about travel:

"Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime."

Well what the fuck does Mark Twain know? He never had Facebook. Maybe vegetating in a corner, scrolling through my feed for hours on end suits me quite well. Yeah, I'd rather just do that.

Still I'm stuck with the stupid memories of my travels so far, so here are some pictures of them. I try to smile in them but I'm only thinking of my Instagram likes, so I can't. I'm extremely bored of the beautiful sights around me, so I can't really get my face out of this configuration.


(Note, because the internet can be humorless: this is satire.)